BSE Protection Agency. [BSEPA]

BSE Protection Agency – Official Corp Roster & Manifesto Ulon Naus - CEO - Director of Containment – “Udder Chaos” “Patient Zero” Responsible for ensuring all members maintain proper quarantine procedures. Once accidentally locked half the fleet inside a POS bubble “for safety.” No survivors, but excellent paperwork. Founder, visionary, and first confirmed carrier of Mad Cow Enlightenment. Speaks only in moo’s during strategic meetings. Claims it improves morale and targeting Architect of the original Bovine Spongiform Enlightenment project. Once intended to cure space madness—accidentally gave it to cows instead. Declared the result “a net gain for science” and founded the BSE Protection Agency to make sure no one fixes the mistake. He spends his time conducting “important research” involving unstable warp cores, tainted biomass, and anything labeled “Do Not Ingest.” His PhD thesis, “The Quantum Moo: Wave–Particle Duality in Ruminants,” remains banned in three regions and required reading in the rest. Corporate Doctrine: “Genius is just madness with better paperwork.” Gandarh - Chief of Security – “Beef Supreme” Believes violence is diplomacy’s most honest form. Deploys drones named after barbecue sauces. Motto: “If it moves, it moos.” Gizmoine - Logistics Officer – “Pasteur Eyes Only” Handles all milk runs, mineral hauling, and classified shipments of decontaminated protein. Known to AFK mine while giving public health lectures. Gizmoand Dima - Science Division – “Dr. Cattleyst” In charge of researching new strains of Bovine Supremacy. Recently attempted to clone a battleship from a hamburger. Results pending. Laufi - Human Resources – “Daisy HR-47” AI constructed from cow genome fragments and old Concord tax code. Handles recruitment, fines, and employee wellness checks at gunpoint. Cpt Mundgumler - Recruit – “Milkshake” New guy. Doesn’t know what’s happening. We think he’s human. Waiting for symptoms. Our Mission We, the BSE Protection Agency, solemnly swear to protect the rights of the Mad Cow—herd and hive alike. For too long, capsuleers have exploited our bovine brethren, turned them into rations, leather jackets, and booster paste. No more. We believe every infected cow deserves: Free roam in asteroid belts. Access to quality cloning vats. Equal rights to graze on moon goo. Freedom from steak jokes during fleet ops. Join us in our sacred crusade to spread awareness, confusion, and possibly infection across New Eden. Motto: “One herd. One mind. One moo.” Refrigeration Division – “Minifridge & Bigfridge” Special Operations duo. Responsible for cooling tempers, freezing loot, and preserving questionable meat samples. Minifridge – Tactical scout and snack storage unit. Known for sneaking behind enemy lines to keep the beer cold. Claims he can store an entire mining op’s worth of isotopes “if you stack them right.” Bigfridge – Capital-class industrial beast. Moves slowly, hums constantly, and consumes more power than a Keepstar during TiDi. When deployed, local chat temperature drops by 10°C. Official Motto: “We keep it chill.” Notable Incidents: Once accidentally warped to zero on a sun “to defrost.” Bigfridge tried to smartbomb a belt to “make ice faster.” Minifridge fitted a cloak “so nobody would steal his yogurt.” Together, they form the cold, humming heart of BSE Protection Agency logistics. No fleet op is complete without refrigeration support and a suspiciously labeled container named “Organic Samples – Do Not Eat.”